Sem espinhas

A posta de hoje vai ser tipo filete de pescada da Pescanova: sem pele nem espinhas. Só carninha!
Aviso desde já: tem selo de destinatário(s) certo(s), e nem sequer vai ser difícil perceber quem é/são. E até vou ser simpática. Como a malta tem alguns problemas de consciência em responder aqui a algumas coisas que eu digo, aceitam-se comentários para o meu mail (do yahoo, faxabor, que o outro avaria muita vez e não entrega as coisas). De qualquer maneira, já estou habituada a que não digas nada…

Vou fazer uma batota. Vou escrever em inglês por uma razão muito simples. Não tenho medo nem nenhuma dificuldade em verbalizar aquilo que penso ou sinto neste momento. Os últimos dias ensinaram a ser completamente honesta… sob o risco de levar nas trombas… mas para vocês não se porem a ler nas entrelinhas e a chagar-me o miolo, vou usar o YOU que serve tão bem de TU como de VOCÊS. Assim, talvez o(s) destinatário(s) do post perceba(m) melhor para quem estou a falar.

I promised I would behave nicely, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do. Today, tomorrow, Sunday and every other day after that until the day my other promise is fulfilled.
I don’t care about what people say anymore. If I don’t play by the conventional rules, though break. I’m OK, I’m happy this way and I know that there’re people who support me. Those who don’t understand this or expect me to oblige to their rules aren’t really interested in pushing me towards what’s best for me.
We’re all friends and so I assume that we all want to see each other shine. I’m here for you, as you are here for me.
Last couple of days my world collapsed. Things went REALLY wrong and hope kind of faded away. (I now wonder if you had noticed it…) But among all the blood, sweat and tears you came along and rescued me.
I sincerely doubt I would be writing this now if it hadn’t been for you. You literally put your hands to the job of bringing some sense to me.
I have apologised dozens of times (but not enough) for saying all those things. I’ve thanked you even more for being able to stick around after that.
I’ve hurt myself for hurting you… but I’ve learned my lesson and won’t do it again.
It took me two months to understand what I had done wrong and a lot of drinks at our beach to see that I wasn’t doing it only to me. It took a lot of silences for me to ear what you meant, and to realise that it does matter to you. It took me… I don’t know how much but too much… time to pick up my phone and call you to (finally) say all that you’ve been missing because you’re away.
It was to my great surprise that I found that you were not that much in the dark. I remembered why some people say that we’re the same person in 2 packages. It’s amazing how well you know me and how fast you realised what was killing me. Not seeing me, you saw through me and figured out what no one else around understood.
Your words made so much sense that I just couldn’t stand it.

Do you still need a reason for what happened?
No one wants to play with me… I’m that original_fleadog, remember?
And with all that’s been said and done in this family in the past times, it was more than enough to make me fall.
I wonder if you’ll be satisfied by this explanation…

Good news is that this is basically over.
I feel really weird today. Maybe it’s this weather. Maybe it’s the fact that only yesterday I was banging my head on sharp corners (kind of what I did in my last night of “Queima” – can’t translate) and today everything is OK. Old wounds still hurt, but hopefully time will erase all proof of what happened. Can’t believe I had that much fun with you today… you never cease to amaze me!
…………. In both good and bad things. I also can’t believe that you couldn’t be happy for me, knowing what that conversation meant in my world, and that you let that diminish the faith you had in some “not people”. Still can’t understand why it was so bad for you that that idea could storm some minds…

I’m facing two days of lock down in my room, but somehow I guess that’s exactly what I need to find my path again. Anyway, don’t let that keep you from calling me…

See you all around soon.
Kiss and Hugs