lastro

I know I can't really write in any languange but English...

After months, if not years, of total and miserable defeat and sadness I finally found what makes me happy. Incredibly I have spent these last 5 days in a state of mind I thought impossible. It's like the whole world now makes sense. I found my place in the Universe. I'm in peace. I buried all my ghosts and fears and dissappointments and missfit loves along with the past year. I kept only the joy and happiness and confidence above all.

Standing on the top of the hill I now can see how much you helped me. How much I should thank you.
You were there for me when no one else was. You saw through me when I thought I had hidden myself completely from the world. You kept me from cutting deeper in my wrists.
You made the whole "walking in the desert" worth while, because you knew there was a light in the end of all the darkness.

I shouldn't be writing this here. I should be where you are, talking to you face to face. Smiling widely and making you smile with me.

But... what's happening? You won't talk to me. You don't even pretend to talk to me anymore. I'm feeling dragged to my usual descent spiral because everytime I look at you I feel that every word I say makes you want to kill me! Honestly...

I'm quickly losing all fire I brought from my heaven days. I find myself struggling not to cry because of you. I'm going down with you.

I guess not all friends can share the good and the bad with you...